One Man's Trash Is
Another Man's Pleasure

           e were merely two metres away from the entrance of a BDSM                 event when one of us bolted. In the opposite direction.

 

After a brief chase, all three of us hesitantly approached the venue’s back entrance. The hosts warmly welcomed us even though we stuck out like sore thumbs. “Too guai,” said one of the organisers with a laugh.

 

Our reaction was typical of people with limited knowledge. We were afraid of what we didn’t know.

 

And it wasn’t just BDSM. We barely had conversations about sex. It’s often a taboo subject in Singapore, and parents tell their kids to look away from sexualised images. And when it comes to kink communities, there is fear, misunderstanding and moralising.

 

Most of us would fall back on our “conservative Asian values” as a reason to reject these communities. Because of this, many Singaporeans sweep discourse about sexuality under the carpet.

 

But we spent months talking about sex for our project. We spoke to a professional dominatrix with international clientele, a sex worker who has been held at gunpoint and even a young Singaporean whose dream is to become a porn star.

 

For most people, sex is about seeking pleasure. We learnt that it’s the same for our newsmakers, except their preferences are unconventional.

 

Sure, they may be extreme. But to quote a sociologist we spoke to, while it may not be your option, it might be someone else’s.

 

Ignorance breeds misconceptions. Misconceptions breed misinformation. Kinky people are perverts. Swingers are cheaters. Sex toy users are sex addicts. This results in discrimination and judgment.

 

We could choose to look away in fear and stick to the status quo, or we could acknowledge these practices exist, and that enjoying them does not make these individuals any less human.

 

Pain may not be our preference, but if we do find ourselves invited to another BDSM event, we would not run in the opposite direction.

 

After all, to each their own.▝