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Women Are Changing The Way We Look At Sex Toys
Girls just want to have fun. And maybe make adult toys attractive to women. Consumers and businesses explain why the female market matters.
here are a few things on Shauna’s* packing list as she prepares to move out from her school hostel.
Clothes. Toiletries. Lecture notes. Vibrator.
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She bought the Womanizer W100 for S$200. It is German-made and boasts six levels of intensity that will gently and quietly provide users with pleasure. It also comes in leopard print.
“It’s really, really ugly,” said the 23-year-old undergraduate.
“But I think it makes me more attuned to what I enjoy in bed. And it’s a lot faster than anything else,” she added.
Shauna is part of a growing trend — all the sex shop owners and online retailers we interviewed have noticed an increase in demand from women.
“They are getting inquisitive, more inquisitive than guys,” said Lincoln Chua, co-founder of U4Ria, a sex shop with three outlets in Singapore that has been around for 18 years. He said women have formed the bulk of the store’s revenue in recent years, with the number of female customers doubling from 30 to 60 per cent.
New businesses have also emerged to cater to this demand.
Maison Mika, a two-year-old online store based in Singapore, found in their market surveys that seven in 10 women were curious about or willing to try a sex toy.
Founder Trina Yeung, 38, said: “What we discovered was people were conservative here, but underlyingly, they were very curious about sex toys.”
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Findings from a commissioned survey by Smile Makers, which sought to understand female sexual well-being and self-pleasure.
Girls and their toys
When sex toys were first introduced locally, demand was driven mainly by men.
Most products came in obscene “porn-star packaging”, Lincoln observed, with sexualised pictures of women.
If the government’s reaction was any indication, Singapore was definitely not ready for sex toys in 2000. Lincoln explained that importing these products was not easy back then.
“Shipments always got detained,” said the 50-year-old, recalling his frequent visits to the police station.
And if there were any sex toys for women at the time, they either weren’t well-marketed or were turned away after reaching our shores.
According to Trina, the sex toy retail environment in Singapore was “still stuck in the 80s” a few years ago. In contrast, the industry overseas had evolved to become much more women-friendly.
“The industry is changing,” said Erin Chen, a sex and relationship counsellor. “It was quite male-dominated, but now there are a lot more female designs.”
To plug that gap, Trina started Maison Mika in 2016, selling sex toys and ‘curated pleasure boxes’ targeted at women in relationships.
She worked with a local branding agency and left out sexual connotations to better appeal to women. “We wanted something that was fresh and different — like how someone would sell you perfume or cosmetics.”
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The brand positions itself as a women-friendly store, favouring clean packaging and pastel colours. PHOTO: MAISON MIKA
Smile Makers is another homegrown company that caters to women. Brand manager Jacqueline Husin, 25, said: “We decided to only be in health and beauty retailers because we didn’t want to align ourselves with sex shops.”
The company’s vibrators and lubricants are sold in Watsons and Guardian, and online sites such as RedMart and Lazada. According to Jacqueline, women are often curious about sex toys and vibrators (or vi-curious), but are put off by the atmosphere in a sex shop.
“We want to normalise the perception of sexuality, especially female sexuality. And we think being in a health and beauty retail environment does that,” she said.
Touchy subject
As retailers encourage women to take charge of their sexual pleasure, the way people perceive sex toys has also started to change.
According to sex counsellor Dr Chen, it is not a stretch to position sex toys as health and beauty products. She believes they can play a function beyond pleasure. “It really depends on people’s goals, and what they want to try,” she said.
For one, sex toys help solve a problem in the bedroom, by bridging the orgasm gap.
A study conducted by three American universities showed women have far fewer orgasms than men, at least in heterosexual relationships. Women orgasm only 65 per cent of the time compared to 95 per cent for men. This used to be the case for 22-year-old Jennifer*, before she started using a vibrator to help her climax.
“Up till I was 18, I never had a real orgasm, I think maybe because I am not very sensitive,” said the undergraduate. “I would say using a vibrator was shocking for me. I was experiencing sensations I had never felt before.”
Similarly Aileen*, 22, thinks using a sex toy puts less pressure on her partner to give her an orgasm. “Guys can get quite awkward if they don’t give you an orgasm,” she said.
“What we discovered was people were conservative here, but underlyingly, they were very curious about sex toys.”
- Trina Leung, founder of Maison Mika
The toys are beneficial for couples too.
“We find it is not just a want, but more of a need for certain couples,” said Lincoln, who sees more couples visiting U4Ria hoping to solve problems or spice up their sex life. Anecdotally, he notes it is usually the women who will suggest visiting a sex shop.
“The ladies will ask more questions and choose everything. The guys, they don’t contribute much.”
Trina believes the toys can help couples in relationships, her target audience, improve their communication.
“What I am doing is celebrating couples in a relationship. I am celebrating how comfortable they are, and creating intimacy and important moments for two people,” she said.
“Why would you not want to be associated with that?”
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Traditional sex toy shops have not shaken off their sleazy image, often using women as sex symbols.
The fairer sex
It might then seem ironic to still find sexism underlying a seemingly progressive local sex toy trade, as women are motivated to use toys for the pleasure of their partners.
According to Trina, Singapore is unlike Europe and America where sex toys are sold with the concept of girl power, independent women and liberalising women.
“When you think about Asia, I think women here still want to be married and have kids, and be seen as the perfect wife, the perfect mother, and all of those other role models.”
Women who visit Lincoln’s sex shop often come in with the same goal — to perform better for their partner.
As a result, misconceptions arise when women use them for personal pleasure. For example, people often think those who use sex toys are highly sexual.
“It’s the idea that when you use a sex toy, you are more depraved or wilder,” said Jennifer.
Aileen thinks the use of sex toys should not always be framed as erotic. “Masturbation doesn’t just fall into sexuality, there are also health benefits, like falling asleep, like for insomnia.”
Some people also think if a woman uses a sex toy she will become dependent on it. Smile Maker’s Jacqueline said: “From a heterosexual man’s perspective, they think the sex toy will replace them. And the idea that if a women uses it too much she will become dependent, and will not need a man.”
Shauna’s boyfriend of four months disagrees.
“I think a lot of women are not being pleasured by men in the first place. Men don’t really put in the effort to please them. So men will make women feel guilty about using it and that’s messed up,” said Azzman*, 26.
Shauna said she uses the vibrator alone, and at times, with Azzman, who supports it.
“If the sex toy is better than your partner,” she said, “then they’ve got to step it up.”▝
* Names changed to protect their identities
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